The short answer: You don’t!
The long answer: If you’re hoping that explaining your boundaries again will change their behaviour towards you, then it may be important to consider that boundaries aren’t set for others to follow. They are set for you to prioritize your own values and well-being.
Not sure what that means? Read more below.
Boundaries is a topic that often comes up in therapy, self-help books, and discussions about mental health. But what are they really? There’s a lot of confusion around the concept of boundaries and clearing (some of) them up might be helpful for navigating the holiday season!
Misconception #1: Setting boundaries will make people change
One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they are about getting people to change for you. In reality, healthy boundary setting is about defining your own limits. It is an essential part of self-care and is ultimately a way to show respect for yourself.
Boundaries are the lines you draw to protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. When that line is crossed, you have to make a decision about what to do next. You can’t decide or control what someone else will feel or do, but you have all the power to choose your own path.
Misconception #2: Boundaries push people away from you
Many people are reluctant to set boundaries because it can be perceived as harsh and uncaring. However, boundaries don’t have to be about saying “no” or rejecting requests. Setting clear boundaries is really about communicating what you have the capacity to give and what you need in return.
You only ever set a boundary because you care about the relationship and want to keep it going. In healthy relationships, both parties should want to respect each other’s needs and limitations. When you communicate your boundaries, you allow the people in your life to express their love through caring.
Misconception #3: Boundaries are easy to enforce
Setting boundaries may seem simple or obvious, but it can be very challenging, especially if you worry about disappointing others or facing conflict. It can be even more difficult if the other person refuses to respect your perspective.
In times where boundary violations continue to happen even after clear and respectful communication, detaching with love is an approach that can help you maintain the relationship while prioritizing your emotional safety. It might look like spending less time talking to each other on the phone, saying no to one-on-one time, or participating in only activity-based hangouts.
The way you enforce your boundaries has to be something you are comfortable doing. When you detach, you are taking responsibility for your well-being and allowing the other person the same. Taking responsibility for yourself means adjusting your life and the closeness of your relationships to meet your needs.
Boundaries are a vital part of emotional well-being and healthy relationships. They are not about exclusion, rigidity, or selfishness – they’re about self-respect, balance, and clear communication. Whether you’re setting boundaries with a friend, family member, or colleague, the goal is to protect your mental and emotional health while fostering authentic, supportive connections.
If you’re struggling with boundaries, therapy can be a great space to explore and practice setting them. A therapist can help you identify where your boundaries might be weak, support you in developing new ways to communicate them, and offer guidance as you navigate the inevitable challenges that come with asserting your needs.
By: Helen Han, Registered Psychotherapist (Q)